Author: midgeguerrera

“Vaffanculo,” Expressive New Wine

by midgeguerrera, posted in Stops Along the Journey - Sites Off the Tourist Track, Travel Comments

When life hands you lemons – or the Pandemic closes your hotel – make lemonade. NOT. The ever creative and entrepreneurial owners of our favorite Milanese B&B, Il Girasole Milano, Nicola and Matteo Negruzzi understood that people around the world were feeling crappy. Hmmm…. In case you didn’t know, the name of their wine that grew out of the Pandemic is a vulgar Italian idiomatic expression – essentially meaning “fuck off” or “up your butt.” It is also a wine that sold rapidly during the two plus years that Covid had as all feeling – well – gulp – fucked and continues to sell today.

Nicola Negruzzi told me the story –

It was the end of November, 2020 and they got a call from a very good friend who was having a very bad year. A disabled child, the pandemic, Milan closed up tight and – well you went through it and you understand. At the end of the call, she said to Nicola, “you don’t know how many vaffanculos I have to say a day.” To make her laugh, Nicola designed a label for a sparkling Trebbiano wine from Abruzzo. He took a picture, sent it to her and said, “Come here, we drink this wine and say vaffanculo together.” It was just a joke – join the rest of us and raise a glass while screaming “vaffanculo!” Their friend not only laughed, she ordered a case. Nicola and Matteo realized they might be on to something that could save their souls. They asked a friend to design a professional label, ordered a bunch of wine from a vineyard in Abruzzo, attached wooden baskets to their bicycles and started creating an old fashioned huckster promotional buzz. They pedaled around Milan looking for groups of masked up, glum looking people. Imagine the surprise and cheers when two men carrying bottles of Vaffanculo Wine, stopped and offered glasses accompanied by the very cheerful, but vulgar, toast. The wine took off like rockets. The timing, creativity and energy of the brothers is a marketing case study.

Taking the project even further, they got the permits to turn their empty hotel into a bar open just for apertivo. Matteo took mixology courses and started creating signature drinks. Together they created a menu of interesting stuzzichini, canapès.

They papered the neighborhood with fliers announcing the opening of “The Garden.” I was shocked when we came to the B&B to see their old parking lot festooned with trees and shrubs in enormous pots. They created spatial social distancing islands of tables surrounded by plants.

From 5:30 PM until 10:00 PM locals visit the Garden to snack, gossip and drink. The featured wine – Vaffanculo. Imagine someone coming to the bar for the first time hearing customers shout, “Matteo, Vaffanculo per due.”

Yes, I did. You know I did. I bought a case and shipped it home to Pontelandolfo.

Here is some exciting Midge News! I was a featured guest on the theatre podcast, OnStage, OffStage. Interviewed by George Sapio, I had a great time. Actually, when I heard it for the first time, I cried. I sounded like a real writer! Who knew that my pandemic lemonade would be getting a book and five plays published! Listen to the podcast and hear all about it.

Ci Vediamo!

Midge Guerrera

The Lamb is Burnt – Buona Pasqua

by midgeguerrera, posted in Any Day in Pontelandolfo

Happy Easter! If you don’t celebrate Easter, Happy Day. Like many people, I was up early getting ready for family, friends and food. Food being the key ingredient. Smiling, I walked past my set table. Last night, the china was placed, napkins were fashioned into cascading waterfalls dripping down the wine glasses and the silver was polished. Sigh, I am a great planner. All I have to do this morning is cook. Well actually, I didn’t even really have that much to cook. Jack had cut the rutabaga up and it was ready to boil. I had prepped the broccoli rabe. Guests would be adding to the feast. The lamb, the wonderful organic, grass fed and running happy in the fields lamb was my primary responsibility.

I love lamb. Rare lamb is my favorite Easter dish. Yummy, stop rolling your eyes – a carnivore is a carnivore. Following an Ina Garten recipe that my cooking pal Kathy sent me, I had marinated the leg of lamb in yogurt, rosemary, lemon rind, olive oil, salt and pepper. It did look like someone had vomited in my refrigerator, but the marinade was guaranteed to make an incredible tasting lamb. I pulled the lamb out of the frigorifero and left it on the counter to warm up While the oven was pre-heating, I had a Bloody Mary and thanked the universe for a terrific day. Each time I walked into the kitchen and saw the lamb, a smile appeared on my face.

Wiping off the yogurt – which was disgusting – I envisioned the crispy outer shell and rare interior. My mouth was watering in anticipation. We had calculated that an eleven pound leg of lamb would need about three and a half hours in the oven. At 11:30, the leg of lamb went into the 450 degree oven. “Alexa,” I bellowed, “set timer for fifteen minutes.” I puttered anxiously waiting for her dulcet beeps. The oven was lowered to 350 and I went into my office.

I’m doing the Dramatist Guild’s April challenge, “End of Play.” That means put your butt in a chair, let your creativity flow and finish the play that has been percolating for days. I’m researching WWII Italian Prisoners of War who were incarcerated in the USA. The stories are amazing. I really got into the research.

Suddenly, Jack stormed into the room. I looked up. “Midge, there is smoke in the kitchen. Who is watching the cooking.”

“I am. Just from my desk in the office. I can kind of see around the corner to the stove.”

Then, I saw the smoke. The oven must be filthy – didn’t I clean the oven this year? Sighs escaped from my lips and I shuffled over to the kitchen. Yup, there was smoke. Yup, it was coming from the oven. I opened the door – the lamb looked crispy. Grabbing my instant read meat thermometer I took the lamb’s temperature. What the … 146! No, no, the guests wont be here for two hours and the meat is done. While it rests it will cook even more. It was supposed to take three hours – what – it has been three hours? The beep of the smoke detector filled the room. The windows were opened. Crispy smoke detector activator lamb may have changed my standard Easter menu. Merde.

What to do? I took the lamb out of the oven, covered it with tin foil and opened a bottle of red wine. Red goes with lamb. I hope there will be some left for our guests.

Has it Really Been A Year?

by midgeguerrera, posted in Any Day in Pontelandolfo

The fabulous folks at read furiously sent me this today!

It is hard to believe that just a year ago my first book of stories from Pontelandolfo was accepted by a publisher, printed, distributed and in many of your hands. I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for taking this roller coaster ride with me. Not only have many of you bought the book, but you have come to readings, sent me photos holding the book and dashed off notes thanking me for causing you lips to creep up into a smile and laughter to bubble up from your diaphragm. Mille Grazie!

Wowza! Bravi for sharing! ( I really need to make a video that features all of your pictures!) Each and everyone of you have found your way into my heart. Thank you for all your support. Wait for it – here it comes – the pitch as only our Midge can do it.

It is not too late to get on the humor train and join these happy folks by getting your own copy of “Cars, Castles, Cows and Chaos.” They make a great gift and can be ordered Wherever books are sold.

There I did it. Or come and see me next week – laugh at my antics, listen to story or two and enjoy the camaraderie! I will be in Pawling at the Library on Thursday March 30th at 7:00 PM.

Or visit Nyack! The Nyack Library is hosting me on April 1st at 2:00 PM.

Someone asked me the other day “What’s next for this book?” Well – my favorite next dream would be if Fiat’s marketing department would call and say – “Hey, this funny book is all about Fiats in Italy! Why don’t we give one to every new Fiat owner and have you tour Fiat dealers telling your funny tales.” Anybody know anyone at Fiat??? Of course the next biggest fantasy would be the book turning into a limit series on Apple TV!

Again, much love to all of you. Thank you for a fantastic year. Keep on traveling, share your stories and most importantly giggle daily.

Ci vediamo –

Midge – midgeguerrera.com

What I Learned on our Winter Vacation!

by midgeguerrera, posted in Travel Comments

Oooo, the little demon in my brain is bellowing in my ear – WINTER VACATION??? Cripes, your whole life is one big vacation – you spend months in Italy, bum around Europe and hang out with New Jersey pals.

What can I say, Jack and I have “third act” wanderlust. We also have dear friends – former Asbury Park, NJ pals – who ditched New Jersey for a life in Ecuador. Marie and Jan were our travel buddies for more than ??XX?? years and we love to let them find adventures for us. It is our great joy that they are expats living in Ecuador. It is their great joy that we live in Italy. Do you get the picture? Three years ago, Jan and Marie stayed with us in Pontelandolfo and helped me celebrate my big 70th birthday. Three years have gone by and now it is our turn to celebrate life in general at their home in the mountain outside of Ambato, Ecuador.

LESSONS LEARNED

Lesson 1: You don’t always get what you pay for. We bought United Airlines First class and Business Class tickets. Don’t ask me why each arduous leg of the flight had two diverse class status’s tickets. The first leg was to Houston. The plane configuration was not the Polaris class that we have enjoyed flying to Europe and our seating area was filthy. I always bring alcohol wipes and I was wiping food and crumbs off the seats, tray table, pocket, everything. Where the heck is the foot rest? Is the seat in front of me falling apart? Are Jack’s knees touching the seat back in front of him in Business Class? This reminded me of flights we have taken on the old cheap Norwegian Air recycled planes. Oh, and the staff was barely interested. Eucch, dirty, uncomfortable and ignored. The second leg, Houston to Quito, had a clean plane and wonderful staff. The seats were certainly not anything special, didn’t have foot rests and the control for the in flight entertainment was under my butt. Both flights used Dish TV as the inflight entertainment. Movies started at a specific time, the lackadaisical crew from Newark never gave out headsets until the films had started. I must admit, the United Lounge was a great place to hang during our four hour and forty minute layover. But is the lounge worth the high price for the tickets?

Midge, why did you buy the seats that cost a un sacco di soldi? Are you loaded. Did your book, Cars, Castles, Cows and Chaos, sell a million copies. None of the above, but a great book or play sale would make me smile. We fly in the high price seats because my glorious butt is too gloriously large to squeeze into a coach seat. Yes, I am on a diet. Yes, I am attempting to remember to excersize it off. Meanwhile, gulp, I cough up the cash for big seats in a freaking dirty plane. Glad I brought those wipes along! Sad, we spent all that cash for seats and service that was nothing like the super seats and service we get on United when we soar across the Atlantic to Rome.

Lesson 2: A lot of things in Ecuador remind me of Italy. A. Quito sits high in the Andean Foothills at an altitude of 2,850 meters. Ambato is a wee bit lower on the hill at 2,577 meters above sea level. These are mountain towns, with curves and cliffs that scare the pants off of me. Just like driving in the Italian Sannio hills – only higher. B. They have universal health care, just like Italy. Actually, they have reciprocity with Italy and our Tessera Sanitaria, health insurance would have been accepted. C. We loved looking at all the elementary school children going to school in uniforms. They weren’t the same as the ones in Pontelandolfo but the idea was the same.

Even the little yellow bus with a driver and an aide reminded me of Pontelandolfo

D. Bella Vista! The verdant green mountains, forests, mountain peaks and glacier topped volcanoes are glorious to see in both countries. E. One of the wonders of Pontelandolfo are the huge white dairy cows that summer in the mountains. The contadini travel up the the mountain and milk the cows right where our bovine friends are enjoying the mountain grasses. We were driving and noticed people on stools milking the cows living in the hills between Quito and Ambato too. F. Road and village lawn maintenance is done by tethered cows, goats, pigs and horses! A Pontelandolfo sight that gives me the giggles!

Goats keeping the grass cut in Piazza Roma, Pontelandolfo

G. Wonderful historic architecture juxtaposed with modern buildings, reminded me of many Italian cities. The styles were similar to what we see in Benevento. H. Just like Italy, even the smallest villages have a plaza/piazza! Check out the fresh flowers around the fountain.

Lesson 3: Things I wish both Italy and the USA had. A. Clean bathrooms open to the public in every Ecuadorian gas station. What a brilliant idea! Want to build a gas station? Sure, but you must provide all travelers access to a clean and modern bathroom! We tried more than one and it is a great idea. You might have to spend 10 cents at the toilet paper machine and/or pay the person who cleans a quarter but that is a cheap fix for the “I’ve got to go now” traveler. B. Plug in charging stations can be found in parking lots all over towns. Electric cars in a country rich in oil – imagine that! C. Voting is quasi mandatory. If you don’t vote you will not be able to renew your car’s registration or access any other government related services. Elections are on Sundays too! Italy has elections on Sunday but they don’t make voting mandatory for existing within the framework of government bureaucracy. Ecuador consistently has over 80 percent voter turnout. E. Senior Discounts that are incredible. 50% off all transportation, including airline flights that originate in Ecuador! 50% off all land line telephone services. Senior lines in all banks and offices that are absolutely honored.

Clean bathrooms where ever gas is sold! Speaking of gas – electric charging stations. (They don’t offer bathrooms.)

Lessons learned! Winter, spring, summer or fall travel is a great way to learn new things and appreciate the things that you have. I learned a lot from my winter vacation in Ecuador. Thank you Marie and Jan for being our grasshopper pals of yore, generous hosts and adventurers of today.

Ci vediamo a presto!

Midge

2023 Started With Sauce

by midgeguerrera, posted in Any Day in Pontelandolfo

My New Year started with thoughts of old years. On January 1st I knew I had to make my grandmother’s spaghetti sauce. I didn’t know why. I just knew I needed the smells of grandma’s house filling my kitchen and to feel the presence of those who are no longer here. As the fireworks went off and people toasted 2023, I pulled pig parts and sausages out of the freezer. It was an instinctive action, it was 12:02 AM Sunday morning and Sunday is – was – spaghetti day. I wish it still was, but it hasn’t been for years. Not since my Aunt Catherine died and the family Sunday table collapsed out of my life.

As I started chopping the onions, garlic and green peppers, I remembered the scent of Sundays at grandma’s house. The sauce bubbling on the stove, chicken parts covered with millions of onions roasting in the oven and garlic sputtering in a hot frying pan. The kitchen table was opened up to almost big enough for all the Guerreras that would race in when the firehouse siren roared noon.

Guerrera’s share a Sunday meal. I’m the little one on the right mugging for the camera.

As I added a handful of fresh parsley to the pot, I saw my Aunt Cat grinning. Every time she tossed whole parsley – stems and all – in the sauce pot, she would look at me with her big Cheshire Cat grin. It was her culinary secret to leave the parsley whole so it was easier to fish out. Later, when no one was looking, she would scoop out every cooked piece and eat it. There is something comforting about wilted parsley dripping tomato sauce pulled out of the pot and popped into my mouth. Please don’t tell Jack – he hasn’t seen me do this.

The parsley is ready! Yummy.
The parsley was ready for tasting.

I left the pot simmering, filling the condo with aromas of my past and visited my walk in closet. Now, we have owned this condo since Covid lockdown and I have never organized my closet. The closet is more than a closet, it could be a New York City studio apartment. My purse collection – yes I love purses and shoes – was tossed up on a shelf that I could barely reach. Clothes that I hadn’t worn in years were cramped in garment bags. We spend half the year in Italy, do I really need to know what is lurking in the garment bags? Sigh – I decided my New Year needed organization and what better way to jump start organizing than as my mom would say, start in one corner and work out. What corner? The closet is in the furthest corner of the place. Hmm. I walked in the closet door, remembered my mom, and stopped at the first corner. A corner that held an old dresser, four shelves stuffed with who knows what and a couple of squished robes. Starting at the top, I pulled a plastic box down off the highest shelf. My primary concern was not passing out after the hard plastic conked me in the noggin. My second concern was who would find me in the closet if I was bleeding from plastic pieces and lying on the floor. Luckily, my sense of drama was stronger than the box and I managed to catch it before it conked me. Having no idea what was in the box, I shoved the stuff that was on top of the dresser on the floor, plopped the plastic box on the newly cleared dresser top and opened it up. New gloves I didn’t know I owned, spiked rubber things to put under you boots and prevent death by black ice, Christmas joke jewelry from a pazillion years ago, empty jewelry boxes and –

I wore it with great joy and love.

Now I understand why the universe told me to make that sauce! After finding this precious piece of my history and the condo full of the odor of my grandma’s kitchen, I knew where my 2023 was headed. Back even further into my past and closer to the family of my present.

Buon anno! Have a healthy, happy, creative and successful 2023! May all your resolutions come to pass and if they don’t may laughter fill your days. Abbracione.

Ci vediamo a presto –

Midge, www.midgeguerrera.com

Tis the Season to Be Jolly!

by midgeguerrera, posted in Any Day in Pontelandolfo

The air is crisp, bacala is in the cupboard and gifts are being hidden under beds. As volunteers work together, Christmas season in Pontelandolfo gets more exciting each year. The calendar of events kicked off on December 8th, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, which seems to always be the beginning of the Christmas Season. Decorations are dusted off, nativity scenes are pulled out of storage, lovingly placed in a prominent place and the baking begins. Family homes fill up as sons and daughters who work far away return to the village they love best. The bars all take on a festive air with lots of hugging and kissing among friends who haven’t seen each other for a while and yet instantly reclaim the closeness they had as children. This years calendar – Christmas 22 Under the Tower – had me clapping my hands and dancing around the house. I couldn’t believe all the live performances scheduled in this year’s calendar. Sala Papa Giovanni Paolo II – a community room – was recently rehabbed and turned into a small theater. Complete with plush red velvet seats that cuddle your bottom. This season it has a full schedule of films, concerts and theatre. Wowza. So many choices!

Do I dare admit that I am more than a little homesick for the Sannio Hills? I’m in New Jersey, pleased as Prosecco Punch, to be doing readings of my travel/memoir Cars, Castles, Cows and Chaos. Yes Virginia there is a Santa or Babbo Natale and the book will fit in your “hung with care stocking”. But I kind of wish that on Christmas Eve I can tap my nose and instantly land on our Italian veranda. My landlord and great buddy, Nicola, sent me pictures of the house twinkling with lights and laughter. Each year cars filled with kids drive up to see his latest spectacular. He was one of the first people to decorate his home for the holidays. Now more and more people are doing it. I love the magic of the lights twinkling in the valley.

La Casa di Babbo Natale is ready! Interesting how the jolly elf looks different in various countries but brings the same joy no matter how he looks or what language he speaks.

Pontelandolfo lives in the heart of every Pontelandolfese in the world and in the hearts of those who have come to visit and felt what we all feel – the spirit of the Sannio Hills. Have a season filled with happiness and joy.

Boun Natale! Vi amo tutti.

Ci Vediamo

Midge

Books make a great Christmas Gift and as my Sister Sue said – “Midge’s books and plays fit in a Christmas Stocking.”

Cars, Castles, Cows and Chaos Available wherever books are sold.

Can’t Wait To See You!

by midgeguerrera, posted in Any Day in Pontelandolfo

Looking for something to do this week? It would be so much fun to meet each and every one of you in person. Here is our opportunity!

This week, I am taking my book of travel humor on the road! Come laugh with me. I’ll be reading stories from Cars, Castles, Cows and Chaos at the Newtown (PA) Bookshop, Frenchtown (NJ) Bookstore and at the Italian American organization UNICO District X! If you have a copy of my book, bring it along for me to sign. Also bring your questions about what life really is like for a type A New Jersey girl in a small Southern Italian village.

Click here for the newtown bookshop
Click here for the Frenchtown Bookshop

I am so looking forward to “performing” the stories that I lived. Even more than that, I am looking forward to seeing you.

Ci vediamo

Midge

Our Votes Are On the Way

by midgeguerrera, posted in Any Day in Pontelandolfo
We never miss a year!

Thanks to Democrats Abroad we quickly got our ballots emailed to us, filled them out and emailed them back. For those of you living abroad who haven’t voted yet. Here is the first step as explained by Democrats Abroad.

Step 1: Request your ballot

Head to www.votefromabroad.org, your one-stop-shop for registering to vote and requesting your overseas absentee ballot. There, you’ll complete and submit your Federal Post Card Application (FPCA), the form overseas voters like you use to request ballots. The website will help you fill out the FPCA and tell you exactly where to send it. In most cases, you can submit it right then and there electronically!

Ballots from New Jersey were emailed to us from our County Clerk’s Office. One thing I should tell you is that these ballots are not secret. We had to sign a document saying that we understood that since the completed ballots would be emailed back they were open to others to read. Hey, I will tell you who I voted for. I don’t care if you read my ballot.

Printing, completing the ballot and accompanying paperwork, scanning and emailing the PDFs back to New Jersey is incredibly simple. What is not, is the arcane rule that we must also mail the printed, signed and scanned documents to our County Board of Elections. The directions say send them via Airmail. When I asked about Airmail at the Ufficio Postal, the agent looked at me. That hasn’t been an option for years. All mail goes in a plane – just not a special plane. Mail from Italy to the USA must go by a one engine barely moving plane or not at all. In 2021, I had a hissy fit. The New Jersey website, NJ.gov, has a portal called Track my Ballot. Tracking my ballot – which was mailed back from Pontelandolfo after it was sent in an email – I saw that it was received in ample time, but on Election Day and the weeks after it was not marked “accepted.” I called my State Senator, politicos, the Board of Election and generally made a whining pain of myself. Why, if I print, fill out, sign, scan and send the ballot back electronically do I have to mail the hard copy from Italy????? It is the law. It is stupid. Don’t go all – what about voter fraud – on me. An IPO address is easy to track. My signature scrawl is on file. Ask me a trick question or something that I can email back. How about voice recognition??

Sigh, I just looked. It has been a year and my ballot from 2021 was indeed accepted. I am not sure when. I stopped tracking it after two months. Not wanting to have my Father roaring down at me from his political backroom in the sky, today I went to Mail Boxes ETC in Telese Terme, spent €30 and FedEx is carrying our ballots across the sea. I can track them and was told it should take a couple of days. (I know we should have done that sooner, but we left on vacation a few days after I got the ballots. I screwed up.)

Don’t Worry poppo – the ballots will get there!

Voting isn’t something I do because my family has been so involved politically. It is something I do because it is my one opportunity to help insure that our democracy keeps on chugging forward. It is a gift and I relish it. Please vote. My brain is giggling that old cynical phrase attributed to Chicagoan, William Hale Thompson “vote early and vote often.” Don’t do that. Just go and vote.

Ci vediamo!

Midge

Click Here to See Where I will be Doing a Reading from my humorous book about life in Italy. Come Laugh With me.