Month: May 2016

Second Act Tale 

by midgeguerrera, posted in Any Day in Pontelandolfo

When I announced that no one could use the word retired or in pensione around me – I was in my second act – ask how the second act is going – a few eyebrows were raised and I heard a few snickers.  I love this second act idea – it is perfect for me since the characters in my life – personaggi – are straight out of the Comedia dell arte. Stock characters who keep me on my toes and improvising. In small towns like the one I grew up in, Flagtown, NJ, and the one I live in now, Pontelandolfo (BN), if you fall down some one is there to pick you up. If you think about getting married 42 people call you to talk you into or out of it.  No monologues allowed – shove that soliloquy.  Acting is reacting and in small towns you react a lot.

 May 14th was my birthday – il mio compleanno! Sixty-seven years older and bolder.  That morning, the cast of characters that often upstage me riffed off the birthday theme, forcing me out of the Diva role into the role of the straight man.  When I came down the stairs my dining room was draped with crepe paper chains.  The ever creative Nichola had dressed the set! Besides the crepe paper chains, the living room and dining room were festooned with flowers. 

Fit for a Diva’s Dressing Room!

 Quick a  line – questo è un funebre? No, Midge tu non sei morta – solo vecchia!   Ouch, what a quick comeback –  I’m not dead only old – gulp.  The three dozen plus roses and buckets of flowers were the set decorations for la festa!  Thank you Janet for sending a bouquet across the sea – how do they stay alive during that 8 hour flight?  Thank you Nella, Fabio,Cosimo and Michele for the hot colors.  Thank you Zia Vitoria for the wine and cheese.  And thank you Nicola for scurrying around with Jack and dressing the set, long before the Diva took the eye pads off and stared at her gorgeous morning face in the mirror.


 No BORING dinner party for me.  Or worse cocktails and idle chatter.  No, at 9:30 AM the supporting cast arrived for La Festa delle Sfogliatelle. I am another year bolder!!  It is my birthday and I can eat what I want to!  I could also have my handsome houseman – Jack – ply the guests with peach bellinis.  After four of them I stopped looking for my light – where ever I was the light was shining.  Then I noticed that the supporting cast had more lines than I did.  Did they forget – I am the star of this here show?  Remember acting is reacting, it was time for them to stop reacting to me and for me to do a little reacting myself.

That reaction is a great outpouring of love for my family here and my family in the USA. Zia Giusipina on the way out the door had the best exit line.   (Spoken in dialect it sounds so passionate.)

Your heart is young and gentle. Your blood is Italian – my blood is the same.  We are Guerreras – all strong women.  Live life now and happily.   Go with love.

One tear rolls down my face. 

                                 -Fine –

Scarola!  Cardio! Cicoria! Yummy!

by midgeguerrera, posted in Food - Eating In and Out!

The yard outside our house was lush with miniature daisies, butter cups and enough edible greens to keep a large family happy for weeks.  Zia Vittoria stopped me as I hung out the laundry and wanted to know when Jack was going to cut the grass.  Since it was the first sunny day in a long week of grey, I guessed today!  About and hour later, Zia Vittoria appeared at my door with a huge cardboard box filled with greens – complete with globs of dirt on the roots.  Midgie – cucini oggi!  Che fa, I thought, not today, I have a bunch of stuff to do today.  I don’t want to clean stinking greens today.  Did I say that?  No, my mommy taught me better. I said thank you, pulled a chair out side, grabbed a knife, a large bowl  and started cutting off root balls.

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Truth – I didn’t have a clue as to what I was cleaning.  Somethings looked like the dandelions of my youths.  With my grandmother we would forage the lawns and fields around the house for dandelions.  Dandelions were a staple, made into salad, sautéed with onions and even made into an evil tasting wine.  Other greens looked like some kind of lettuce and just plain weeds.

Luckily, Nella, the local florist appeared.  I asked her what I was cutting and if we could really eat it all.   She looked at me like I was insanely stupid and said yes.  Then she patiently pointed out the scarola (endive family), cardio (cardoon – which I never heard of in English) and cicoria (chicory).  All edible, all rich in healthy minerals and vitamins.  Now I had no choice but to stop complaining about all the work I wasn’t getting too and become one with the harvest from the lawn.  OHMMMMMMM or is that LAAAAAWWWWN?

As I was shaking off the dirt, I remembered a young obnoxious mom who yelled at me years ago for telling her pre-schooler you could eat dandelions.  I had been picking the young greens out of our front lawn – now lawn is a misnomer.  It was a field of green stuff.  Lawn seeds, fertilizer – all that suburban anal lawn stuff – never made to my family’s Flagtown home.  For generations the green stuff was cut – whatever it was.  Anyway, this cute little tyke asked me what I was doing.  When I told her and she asked me why. I told her we eat the dandelions in salad.  I thought her mother was going to have a heart attack – or kill me. She told her daughter it was a lie and then told me that if her daughter got sick from eating the greens from her lawn it was my fault.  I calmly asked her why she put  murderous chemicals on her lawn?  What kind of mother lets her kids and dogs frolic on fields of chemicals?

Back to my more recent greens.  The greens reminded me of my grandmother, the family subsistence farm and my own roots.  Suddenly, the challenge of making something wonderful from the greens became the day’s calling.  First step – triple wash them.  I filled the sink with cold water and dumped the greens in.  Then I slowly stirred and picked out sticks, dead leaves and little critters.  Next the scolamacorone and a draining.  I cleaned the mud out of the deep sink and filled it with fresh water.  I broke up the leaves and tossed the hard veins before I put the greens in bath number two.  Muddy water swirled about the mixed greens.  Drain and rewash – cripes triple wash isn’t going to do it.  Five baths later, the water ran clean and all bugs were swimming down the drain.

Jack looked at the mountain of greens and remarked there were only two of us.  Great we will eat them today, tomorrow and the next day.  Day 1 the simple recipe.  Fry up a ton of cubed pancetta and onions, toss in ripped green blend, put on a lid and watch it shrink.  Quick toss, a hint of red pepper flakes and a healthy lunch is done.

Day 2 the still simple recipe. The next morning I partially cooked the dried white beans that I had left soaking the night before. A quick trip to Marcelleria Perugini yielded fresh sausage  and his incredible dried spicy sausages.  This greens, beans and sausage soup was equally easy to toss together.  All good things begin with thick slices of garlic, onions and fresh sausage sautéed.  Next came a pitcher full of water – and I hate to admit this but I love these – two porcini mushroom cubes.  We tossed in local mushrooms sliced and diced.  Next greens and beans entered the pot.  Simmer until hungry.

Grazie mille Zia Vittoria for the greens.  Grazie mille nonna for teaching us to forage for food and not put creepy chemicals anywhere on our property.

Ci Vediamo!

Apology Blog for Bad Spelling

by midgeguerrera, posted in Uncategorized

So sorry!  Through the errors of thinking that all my devices worked seamlessly with each other – I sent the blog “Vote Early” from my iPad.  It was an older un-edited version.  ERRRGGGGGG!  Those of you who think I can’t spell voting – and worse – couldn’t see the red line underneath it.  I am sorry for causing you pain.  Just know – it caused me even greater pain.

Midge

I Voted Early – NJ Primary From Italy

by midgeguerrera, posted in Practical Matters - Living Abroad

I loved the age old mantra – heartening back to Tammany Hall I think – or was it a “Chicago- style politics” slogan – “Vote Early and Often!” Using the Federal Voting Assistance Program, Jack and I voted on April 22nd for the June 7,2016  Presidential Primary.  Now that is early!  Don’t be silly! I’m a Rooseveltian Democrat I didn’t vote in the Republican Primary.   Earlier, I had posted that Jack and I had initiated the process before we left New Jersey. Here is how it worked.

It is really simple.  Go to the Federal Voting Assistance Program website.  Fill out the forms.  Print them, scan them and se-mail them to your local election official.  On the website they give you all the information you need.

The Fabulous Stephanie, Somerset County Clerk’s Principal Elections Clerk,  sent us PDF’s of a NJ Democratic Ballot, An Electronic Transmission Sheet, Waiver of Privacy and a cover page.  You need to know that if your vote electronically from abroad everyone knows how you vote – that is the waiver I had to sign.  Hell, I didn’t care.  I tell people anyway.  The Transmission sheet is like a FAX cover sheet that has been pre printed with my New Jersey and Italian information.  I printed it all out, marked my ballot, scanned the documents and e-mailed them back from whence they came.  What – the e-mail address bounced back!  I carefully typed the address from the original  Transmittal Cover Sheet again.  FxxxxxxxxnxxxA – Bing a bang it came back.  Damn, I am going to vote.   Using the number that was on the Transmittal Cover Sheet, I called the County Clerk’s Office – yes from Italy and got voice mail.  I left a smarmy message about calling from Italy, about voting and when would be a good time to call again and get a real person.  I left my Italian number knowing that no one would call me back.  What’s a determined Democrat to do?????

I looked at the original e-mail from Stephanie and noted her direct number.  I dialed, she answered and deserves a raise for dealing with me.  She was happy to hear that I got the ballot, sad to hear about my problem and then gently asked me where I had sent the ballot.  Why back to the County Clerk’s Office.  Midge, it goes to the Board of Elections – that address is on YOUR transmittal cover sheet – you used the address from our Transmittal sheet!!!!  ERggggggg.  All those lectures to my college students about reading every page of everything before you do anything came bounding back into my head.  Maybe the professor should do as she says!!!  We both laughed at my stupidity.  Sure enough the federalvoter@co.somerset.nj.us worked.

Then I read all the instructions and realized we might be in deep do do.  It says that you not only have to e-mail the PDF you have to snail mail it as well.  Now I have mailed birthday cards a month in advance from Pontelandolfo and they have gotten to the folks two years later.  My landlord sent me a Christmas Card in November and I got it at Easter.  The instructions said you had to airmail the packet immediately.  Oops.  Monday, April 25 was a national holiday in Italy.  Il Ufficio Postale will be closed.  We had processed the ballots on Friday night our time.  Ooooops.  Tuesday the 26th was the best we could do.

The post office here is the local bank, Bill paying station, and sells stuff.  There is always a line.  I brought a book, sat and waited my turn.  It is civilized. We do have seats.  I explained that I needed to send the documents rapidly.  What type of services did they have that would expedite an envelope to the USA.  The clerk didn’t have a clue.  She asked her boss. They waded through boxes and looked in files.  Now, I could send a box – but that seemed absurd with 6 pieces of paper.  Finally, since apparently airmail is a thing of the past – I mean all mail is airmail so why the hell is that on the instructions????  Hmm maybe they remember the slow boat to China???   It cost me 9.05 euro to send a quasi registered letter to the Somerset County Board of Elections.  I hope they get it.  I hope they get it this year.

Question.  If they do not receive the paper ballot do they disqualify my e-mail ballot?  On May 6th I sent them an e-mail asking them if they got the e-mailed ballot. The Board of Elections responded promptly – yes.  I didn’t ask if they needed to have my hard copy too.  Does my vote count without it??  I’m going to wait until the middle of May and call and find out.  It does say to “find out the status of your ballot contact your election official.”  I’ll keep you all in the loop.

Ex-Pat Pals – No Excuse –  Vote Early!

Ci Vediamo!!!

Basta! Non Voglio Eolico! 

by midgeguerrera, posted in Politics - Quirky Aside

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Enough!  I do not want to see another ugly wind mill on one Southern Italian Mountain!  They are putting up more and more around Pontelandolfo, Casalduni and Morcone.  What I discovered is that the local community doesn’t benefit one iota from the ugly things.  I thought they could tax the landowner – who is getting rent.  Or the town got a piece of the revenue generated – or even a break on the electric bill.  Nada.  Niente.  Nothing.

Those of you who have followed me for a while know that I have been talking about the turbines for a number of years.  First I thought they were wonderful.  Than, I thought they we’re ruining the south’s chance to get a piece of the tourism pie.  I mean would you want to sit on the terrace of a charming agriturismo and stare at the whizzing blades and hear the ongoing whoosh of the colossal metal whirligigs?  Now, my anger has intensified – they are defiling mountain top grazing lands.  The mega corporations are the only winners.

My ire increased last summer when Jack and I finished a mini vacation in Northern Italy.  We drove on A7 through the mountains in Liguria and noticed high tension electric lines transmitting power but not one giant windmill between Milan and Genoa. Not one.   Staring out the windows I realized that I also hadn’t see one gargantuan whirling edifice in the hills surrounding Lago Como, any where in the regions of Lombardia, Toscana or Lazio! Hmm, the trees were flowing in the wind.  Perhaps that was an anomaly. Obviously, the wind has stopped blowing in Northern Italy.  I’ll bet those ski slopes never feel the slightest breeze.  The hills of Rome must cry for a breath of wind. Years ago cute Dutch looking windmills were used in Montefiesole, Tuscana for the salt production industry. But now, there obviously isn’t enough wind now to generate electricity or blow out a match.

We are tired of the disparity and don’t want to take it anymore!

The residents of Morcone are taking a lesson from the Dakota Pipeline.  On February 14th, they decided to peacefully stop the building of windmills on yet another ridge.  A mountain that for hundreds of years has been grazing land for large herds of white cattle and its rich soil farmed.  Stalwart citizens stood in the road blocking access to the bulldozers and mammoth drills.  Pleadings, negotiations and dialogue have been going on for years.  The mayors have gone to Naples championing the cause but no one seems to care what happens in the Province of Benevento’s mountains.

Saturday, February 11 environmental groups and local residents organized a sit-in on the mountains outside Morcone.  They wanted to draw attention to the abject devastation that occurs to a mountain by the savage and seemingly careless construction.  Complaints had been submitted to Comando Stazione Carabinieri Forestale di Pontelandolfo, Comunità Montana Titerno e Alto Tammaro the Carabinieri Command of Pontelandolfo and the Prosecutor’s Office of Benevento siting irregularities and asking for urgent intervention and suspension of work in progress. These arguments apparently had no impact.

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Photo by Pupo in Pontelandolfo News

So, on Valentine’s Day morning mountain farmers, ranchers and citizens stood in the way not of progress but of the degradation of the Sannio hills.

Pontelandolfo News  has a great article full of interesting yet depressing data on how the south gets screwed again – this time it seems by the politicians. (How unusual, she said with great rancor.)

American newspapers have not picked up on this political  travesty.
Errrrrggggggg.

Regole di Caffè – Coffee Rules

by midgeguerrera, posted in Food - Eating In and Out!

IMG_20130710_112337Hmmm, maybe I should really call this Coffee Etiquette or “How Not To Be An Obvious Tourist.”  We all know the adage – “When in Rome do as the Romans do.”  Well, we know it, we’ve heard it and we may have even spouted it, but do we do it????  Those silly ladies in tube tops and short shorts who want to see Italian Cathedrals don’t do it and sometimes – gulp – this is embarrassing – even the folks who come to see me here in this little Italian village don’t do it.  They don’t do as the Romans do – they want to drink cappuccino after lunch or dinner!!!!

In Italian restaurants, Jack and I giggle at people in the USA who order cappuccino after dinner. We know that Italians would never dare. That said, I still sometimes appear teary eyed at around 11:00 AM at Bar Elimar and in a soft, sad voice say to Marilina, “un cappuccino per favore.”  The other day I really got in trouble –

Midge, said my favorite barista, ora è mezzogiorno (noon) – no cappuccino per te!  It was time to review the rules. Marilina spouted them off –

  1. Capuccino is a breakfast drink. You do not drink it close to lunch. All that milk and primo piatto pasta do not mix! In Pontelandolofo no one orders a cappuccino after 10:30 A.M. I take that back – non-Italians do. This is not Starbucks country. It is a small village in Southern Italy with traditions that hearken back to the middle ages. Everyone here is shocked when I tell them that in the USA you can order a cappuccino anytime – even after dinner in an Italian restaurant. Try to order a cappuccino after dinner in a restaurant here and eyebrows will be raised, trays will drop to the floor, waiters will faint and diners will know you are an uninformed tourist.
  2. Caffé macchiato – that is a shot of espresso in a small cup with a small hit of steamed milk – is acceptable all day long. So I am thinking, why can’t you make me 4 of those and put them in a big cup???? “Midge,” says Jack, “don’t be a smart ass.”
  3. Caffé – espresso – is available 24/7!  Folks stand at the bar before work and shoot back that succulent cup of caffeine. It is drunk all the time – after pranza – lunch, after cena – dinner, after you hang the laundry, after a fight with your kids. Caffé is immediately offered when you go to visit someone. Caffé is king.
  4. Un po di acqua – A small glass of water – frizzante o naturale – is often served with that cup of coffee. Do not be surprised if it appears on the bar without you asking.
  5. Zucchero? Jack and I are part of the minority. We do not put sugar in our coffee. At a bar, this is not a problem because the sugar is in packets. Visiting a home the sugar issue can be a problem. After the coffee has steamed up to the top, people often put the sugar right in the two tiered coffee pot. Then it is poured from the pot into the cups. When someone offers us a coffee we always say immediately, grazie, senza zucchero.
  6. You do not – I repeat – Do NOT – order a fruit juice and a coffee together! One or IMG_0414the other. Your stomach will appreciate it. I will admit, I misbehave and have often done this – I really like succo di arancia rossa.  Maybe that is why I feel quesy ten minutes later.
  7. I love hearing this – “Hey do you have American Coffee?”  This is Italy dumb-nut! At the bars they say yes and add hot water to espresso in a big cup.  Ugggggg
  8. Caffè lungo is an espresso made with a tad more water – it still fits in the teeny, tiny cup.  Lots of folks order those and tell me they are just a little less strong.
  9. Before bed it is OK to drink hot chocolate, camomilla, or a cappuccino. Now the milk helps you sleep. Zzzzzzzz

There you go. A quick guide to how not to look like a tourist, enjoy coffee where the beans are ground just before it is made, stand at the bar and enjoy la dolce vita.

Ci Vediamo!

Verizon Wireless – Evil,Evil,Evil

by midgeguerrera, posted in Any Day in Pontelandolfo

Evil, have I mentioned that Verizon Wireless is F%$#$%n EVIL????  Why you ask?  Oh, I don’t know.  Perhaps, the smiling voices in the call centers really can’t override the corporate computers.  Perhaps, they have the best network and enjoy yanking the proverbial balls of their customers?

I have now – in one month – called Verizon Wireless from Italy, no fewer than 5 times.  Actually, I started in March before I left to alert them to the fact that I would be in Italy AGAIN for six months and wanted to suspend my phone service.  Suspend it with out being billed – you know  -I’m not using it so I won’t pay for service.  For two years I had to argue with Verizon about suspension – their website said you could suspend without billing for 6 months once a year.  Perfect, we are gone for six months once a year.  For two years, I pled, argued, referred to the jargon on their websites and was eventually able to suspend for 6 months.  It took weeks of wrangling, moving up the food chain and feeling tension invade my entire body.

This year, after noting that now you could only suspend for three months, once again, I tried to suspend on-line – once again their web site sent an arrow to the pain in my butt.  Hence, I called to make the suspension happen.  Once again, I jumped through hoops, argued and pontificated.  Finally, I got a sweet young woman who said why don’t we also change your plan to a flip phone cheap plan so that after the three months you will only have to pay $40 something a month for the privilege of using Verizon when you get back.  Wow – a bargain!  I get to pay for something I’m not using!  Weeoooo

That sounded like a plan so, with her I downgraded the phones to flips and allegedly suspended the lines.  Allegedly, because being the good administrator, I went to My Verizon on line and checked in three days.  Now remember – the Verizon sim cards are no where near the phones. WHAT!  Not suspended.  I called and got some other nice sounding smiling person.  That person said, oh I see the notes, but the order never got processed.  WHAT!  So he allegedly processed the order to downgrade us to two flip phones and suspend us for three months.  He rambled about how we would have to be reimbursed we would get a credit etc.  Fine.  Just do it.

April 30 I got the e-mail from Verizon that they had paid my bill with my credit card.  What bill?  I went to the website.  I was charged $97.22 something for March 10 – April 9. Of course, I was in Italy on April 1st and had promptly put in my Vodafone sim card.  That bill included data charges for April and – get this a 36 minute call to someone in Long Branch, NJ on April 2nd when I had just landed in Italy and swapped sim cards????

My mistake was not shutting off automatic bill pay – World Travelers learn this lesson from me.  Turn off automatic bill pay for those bills that are always a pain in the ass to deal with and usually wrong.  The $97.22 was paid automatically.

I called Verizon.  Verizon didn’t recognize my magic pin number.  I called Verizon.  After being in the cue, I was disconnected.  I called Verizon.  I got a nice young lady – notice that all of the Verizon call center people and nice.  They are well trained to be nice.  The company breeds them to be nice.  Effectual??? Not so much.

She explained that there was a BIG NOTE on my account that I was to be credited for the data and for a good junk of that bill.  I explained that I remembered the credit but why didn’t they just put it on the bill.  She explained it would be on the next bill.  WHAT?  I pointed out that the phones were suspended so the bill would be a whopping negative number.  I asked her to send me a confirmation of the credit and a confirmation that my phone plan had been downgraded.  She said she could text it.  I started to give her my MagicJack New Jersey number so that she could text.  Oh no – I can only text to the numbers on the account.  I explained again – they are suspended – the sim cards have been taken out of the phones.  She put me on HOLD.

She came back – I asked – send me an e-mail.  I can’t we don’t have private e-mail accounts at work.  WAIT – Verizon e-mails me my bill – you must have my e-mail address on file and you must be able to e-mail.  She put me on HOLD.

Miss Margaret – Do you have the cell phones with you.  Yes.  I will call Global and they can text.  WHAT!  The phones are suspended.  I do not have a Verizon Global plan!  But do you have the phones – were they Verizon phones?  No, we bought them from Apple. I refuse to buy anything from Verizon.  But do you have the phones.  I am talking to you through the phone – with my wonderful Vodofone sim card.  She put me on HOLD.

Do you have the Verizon sim card in the phone.  ERGGGGG No I have an Italian cheap sim card.   Do you have the Verizon sim.  You could put it back in the phone.  You can only text me the information to that sim – but the phones are suspended.  I know ma’m but we can only text to the numbers on the account.  But those numbers are suspended. If I activate the sim so you can text, I will have to go through the seven levels of Verizon suspension hell again.

Wait, listen my MagicJack VOIP number is the contact number on the account – I can see it on-line at My Verizon –  text to that.  I can’t ma’m it isn’t on my screen.  But I can see it on My Verizon – don’t you have the same screens.  No Ma’m, I understand your frustration.  Hold.  Hold.. HOLD…

I could continue the rant but what would be the point.  Allegedly, some supervisor  would e-mailed me the note about the reimbursement.

This is what I got – with lots of Verizon Happy Faces: This is a confirmation that an adjustment has been made to your account balance. Your new balance can be obtained in the following ways:  Dial #BAL and SEND 24 hours after receiving this email. (Bet I need to do that from my Verizon phone number.   ERRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG)