Verizon Wireless – Evil,Evil,Evil

Evil, have I mentioned that Verizon Wireless is F%$#$%n EVIL????  Why you ask?  Oh, I don’t know.  Perhaps, the smiling voices in the call centers really can’t override the corporate computers.  Perhaps, they have the best network and enjoy yanking the proverbial balls of their customers?

I have now – in one month – called Verizon Wireless from Italy, no fewer than 5 times.  Actually, I started in March before I left to alert them to the fact that I would be in Italy AGAIN for six months and wanted to suspend my phone service.  Suspend it with out being billed – you know  -I’m not using it so I won’t pay for service.  For two years I had to argue with Verizon about suspension – their website said you could suspend without billing for 6 months once a year.  Perfect, we are gone for six months once a year.  For two years, I pled, argued, referred to the jargon on their websites and was eventually able to suspend for 6 months.  It took weeks of wrangling, moving up the food chain and feeling tension invade my entire body.

This year, after noting that now you could only suspend for three months, once again, I tried to suspend on-line – once again their web site sent an arrow to the pain in my butt.  Hence, I called to make the suspension happen.  Once again, I jumped through hoops, argued and pontificated.  Finally, I got a sweet young woman who said why don’t we also change your plan to a flip phone cheap plan so that after the three months you will only have to pay $40 something a month for the privilege of using Verizon when you get back.  Wow – a bargain!  I get to pay for something I’m not using!  Weeoooo

That sounded like a plan so, with her I downgraded the phones to flips and allegedly suspended the lines.  Allegedly, because being the good administrator, I went to My Verizon on line and checked in three days.  Now remember – the Verizon sim cards are no where near the phones. WHAT!  Not suspended.  I called and got some other nice sounding smiling person.  That person said, oh I see the notes, but the order never got processed.  WHAT!  So he allegedly processed the order to downgrade us to two flip phones and suspend us for three months.  He rambled about how we would have to be reimbursed we would get a credit etc.  Fine.  Just do it.

April 30 I got the e-mail from Verizon that they had paid my bill with my credit card.  What bill?  I went to the website.  I was charged $97.22 something for March 10 – April 9. Of course, I was in Italy on April 1st and had promptly put in my Vodafone sim card.  That bill included data charges for April and – get this a 36 minute call to someone in Long Branch, NJ on April 2nd when I had just landed in Italy and swapped sim cards????

My mistake was not shutting off automatic bill pay – World Travelers learn this lesson from me.  Turn off automatic bill pay for those bills that are always a pain in the ass to deal with and usually wrong.  The $97.22 was paid automatically.

I called Verizon.  Verizon didn’t recognize my magic pin number.  I called Verizon.  After being in the cue, I was disconnected.  I called Verizon.  I got a nice young lady – notice that all of the Verizon call center people and nice.  They are well trained to be nice.  The company breeds them to be nice.  Effectual??? Not so much.

She explained that there was a BIG NOTE on my account that I was to be credited for the data and for a good junk of that bill.  I explained that I remembered the credit but why didn’t they just put it on the bill.  She explained it would be on the next bill.  WHAT?  I pointed out that the phones were suspended so the bill would be a whopping negative number.  I asked her to send me a confirmation of the credit and a confirmation that my phone plan had been downgraded.  She said she could text it.  I started to give her my MagicJack New Jersey number so that she could text.  Oh no – I can only text to the numbers on the account.  I explained again – they are suspended – the sim cards have been taken out of the phones.  She put me on HOLD.

She came back – I asked – send me an e-mail.  I can’t we don’t have private e-mail accounts at work.  WAIT – Verizon e-mails me my bill – you must have my e-mail address on file and you must be able to e-mail.  She put me on HOLD.

Miss Margaret – Do you have the cell phones with you.  Yes.  I will call Global and they can text.  WHAT!  The phones are suspended.  I do not have a Verizon Global plan!  But do you have the phones – were they Verizon phones?  No, we bought them from Apple. I refuse to buy anything from Verizon.  But do you have the phones.  I am talking to you through the phone – with my wonderful Vodofone sim card.  She put me on HOLD.

Do you have the Verizon sim card in the phone.  ERGGGGG No I have an Italian cheap sim card.   Do you have the Verizon sim.  You could put it back in the phone.  You can only text me the information to that sim – but the phones are suspended.  I know ma’m but we can only text to the numbers on the account.  But those numbers are suspended. If I activate the sim so you can text, I will have to go through the seven levels of Verizon suspension hell again.

Wait, listen my MagicJack VOIP number is the contact number on the account – I can see it on-line at My Verizon –  text to that.  I can’t ma’m it isn’t on my screen.  But I can see it on My Verizon – don’t you have the same screens.  No Ma’m, I understand your frustration.  Hold.  Hold.. HOLD…

I could continue the rant but what would be the point.  Allegedly, some supervisor  would e-mailed me the note about the reimbursement.

This is what I got – with lots of Verizon Happy Faces: This is a confirmation that an adjustment has been made to your account balance. Your new balance can be obtained in the following ways:  Dial #BAL and SEND 24 hours after receiving this email. (Bet I need to do that from my Verizon phone number.   ERRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG)